Evil Date Nights
by Sitchit
Summary: An assortment of one-shots, in no particular order, all taking place during Drakken and Shego's awkward post-Graduation date life. Ch 3 "Bitter Breakups"
1. Bedroom Bungles

"Bedroom Bungles"

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His thoughts while asleep were often disparate, a jumbled mess of visions that flashed across his mind, too quick to recognize and too strange to ever want to. But on rare occasions they would spin and race into one singular idea, a spark of inspiration which would cause him to awake into a half-consciousness and groggily record them as best he could.

Even if Dr. Drakken no longer consciously dreamt of the large scale world domination that had for so long had occupied his thoughts, in his sleep the schemes would still come to him as if by habit. And so, by habit, he still kept a little pad of paper and a pen on his bedside table on the left to scratch down the ideas in a wobbly penmanship for the morning.

In the past however, rolling over to his left did not entail bumping fully into Shego. In his bed. With him.

At first he paid no attention to the obstacle in his path, still trying to reach over and document his latest idea. This blissfully unaware state of semi-consciousness did not last long and when he realized what (or rather who) he was reaching over he awoke suddenly.

Her back was to him and he was at least grateful for that. She was starting to stir and his mind raced with a new sense of hysteria. Her hair had spilled everywhere and in the light from the hallway he could see her shoulder peeking out from the covers. Her bare shoulder. _Oh doodles..._

He jumped out of bed, forgetting he was still under the covers, and fell gracefully to the floor, an ungainly mess of tangled sheets and blankets.

If he still had any hopes of not waking Shego they were gone. He was starting to choke on his panic and his breathing felt labored. He was creating more and more noise by squirming feverishly trying to disentangle himself. It was as if the more he struggled the more they wrapped tighter becoming some twisted, self-created vice.

He could hear her grumbling angrily on the bed, most likely from the blankets being yanked off of her so abruptly, and he froze, not daring to make a sound despite the commotion he had already caused.

"Quit being stupid." She wrenched the corner of the blanket that was still on the bed to cover herself, the force of her pull unwinding Drakken like a spinning top. "Get back in bed, it's 3 in the morning," she commanded once comfortable again, wrapped within the thermal sheets. She spoke in a voice that was supposed to sound threatening but was more heavy with sleep than anything else.

He was sprawled on the floor and the cold was finally starting to hit him. He stood up simply, tried to regain as much dignity as he could after his inelegant and particularly embarrassing display (all naked of course) by clearing his throat, and returned to bed.

The warmth was reassuring.

---


	2. A Suitable Suggestion

"A Suitable Suggestion"

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"Are you _kidding_ me with that?" She asked, her hip cocked.

He fidgeted with his hands. "I... er, well... yes, what's wrong with that?" He countered, his eyes going wide with a sense of confusion and vulnerability.

"Dinner and a movie?" She laughed in that amused, wicked way she usually employed when she was mocking him. "What are we, 13? Is your mother gonna give us a ride there then pick us up afterwards?" Shego added with a smile that to him was equally as appealing as it was discomfiting; two traits he had come to associate with his assistant as of late.

He still had nothing to say to her apparent hilarity at what was his suggestion for a first date. This was not the reaction he had expected, especially after what had happened at the UN... what he thought was a new side of Shego he was maybe going to see...

"I'm sure you can come up with something a little better than _that_," she said, her mouth now forming a half-grin, both eyebrows raised, as if she was trying desperately to hold in large bouts of laughter.

He really _should've_ expected this reaction, he decided quickly. Shego was just always so... so _Shego_. Had he really expected her to become some considerate, thoughtful,_ caring_ new person? All because of some stupid alien invasion? He must've just been lost in a half-crazy, idealistic fantasy he had concocted some late night...

And that realization quickly filled him with this petty indignation for his offer in the first place. Here he was, trying to be a civil adult in asking her out in a sort-of compassionate kind of way and she was snickering at him as if his feelings played no part in this at all!

"Yes well, maybe I'll retract the offer then," he said in a pouty, angry sort of way as he crossed his arms and turned away.

At this she gave a long hoot of laughter as she walked off, turning around halfway to shout with that amused smile, "Try a little harder, Dr. D!" to him before exiting the main hall completely.

He grumbled fiercely; hurt a little more than he would've liked to admit. She was always just so careless in the way she dealt with him, it was really quite frustra-

Well... she hadn't given him a flat-out no, he thought carefully. And the way she put it made it seem like maybe she wanted him to ask again...

A cautious sense of optimism returned to him slowly and a small smile formed on his face despite himself. Perhaps he _would_ try again...

---

He had managed to find her almost an hour later lounging in the living room on the couch with a magazine. "Dinner and dancing!" He exclaimed, arms held wide with a large, self-satisfied smile spread out across his face.

His enthusiasm had surprised her a bit but still, she was left unaffected with his proposition. She closed her magazine, stood up, and patted him on the shoulder as she walked by in a way that absolutely exuded pity. His arms were still wide, grin still plastered on his face, as she hung her head, shaking it in a half-serious disappointment.

He let out a spluttered little "guh!" as he slumped over flabbergasted, so severely sure that this time he had it. He had had it! ...Hadn't he?

---

The day had passed and he sat up the next morning in the strange little funk she had put him in.

Drakken had been pouting the whole time, pushing his food around on his plate in silence at the quick dinner of Chinese take-out they had shared at the kitchen table the last night. She chuckled softly to herself every once in awhile, garnering a hot stare from the frustrated doctor. Finally he got up, dropped his dish off in the sink and retreated to his bedroom. He hated, _hated_ the fact that she was still in such good spirits.

This sourness he had felt towards Shego had apparently carried over to the next morning and he examined his situation closely. Perhaps it would be better to just give up after all, his previous attempts were apparently not good enough for the woman so hard to please, so_ needy_...

Was that it? That was it! He had got it! Wait, had he? Yes, he had! He jumped up with a strong new zeal as he trotted off for the kitchen table.

He found her there, digging into a grapefruit for breakfast and she looked up at him with narrowed eyes.

"What's that smile for?" she questioned suspiciously, mouth quirked up in a silent investigation of his face.

"Oh nothing," he said in a sing song way, revealing all of his smugness with one self-contented smirk.

"Oh let me guess, another lame date offer?" She offered with an eye-roll. "What is it this time? Dinner and getting teeth pulled? Dinner and a carwash? Dinner and a petting zoo?"

He was making his way towards the back of her chair now. "Nope, even _better_ than a petting zoo!" He raised his brow and his smirk grew wider as if there was even such a thing.

This caused her to roll her eyes again and sighed. He was fully behind her now and she was looking straight ahead. "Dinner and..." she prodded, still quite disinterested.

He leaned down close, his lips right up next to her ear and whispered the word like a threat. "Shopping."

Her lips pursed together and she raised an eyebrow, the portrait of a person intrigued. Was it possible he had come up with the single best first date plan imaginable? Oh the thought of it, spending all of that money, _his_ money... "Oh, I like that, I like that a lot," she said slowly and surely, now wearing a predatory smirk.

"Thought you would," he responded succinctly and stood up, his grin now threatening to consume his entire face at the weakness he had discovered in her.

"Good job Dr. D," she added, thoroughly impressed. The compliment was not something he was used to and he took it all in with a pleased air about him. Shego stood and walked past him, running a hand down his arm as she walked by. "I'll see you tonight then," she added in a smoldering tone that he wouldn't mind hearing much more frequently.

He began to fix himself some breakfast whistling a little tune, deciding the substantial dent in his bank account would be well worth a first date.

---


	3. Bitter Breakups

A big thank you to Ninnik Nishukan for helping me really tighten up this chapter. She's a saint, go read her fabulous stories if you haven't already. Really, it's mandatory.

"Bitter Breakups"

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"Oh, so it's _this_ again!" He exclaimed from his spot at the dinner table, plates half full of food from where they'd been abandoned 20 or so minutes before. They both knew one could not eat and fight at the same time.

"Don't you dare act surprised," Shego growled in response, pushing her chair back and standing up. "You act like a complete jackass all day and then expect me not to get upset?! I bet you just do it to get me angry, so congratulations, you got what you wanted!" She was livid and it showed. In the past, this illustration on her face, the one of contorted rage, may have scared the doctor away, but their time together, this new relationship they had developed, had perhaps hardened him to her expressions of anger. So while their relationship had become more genuine and caring, it had also become far more argumentative and far less one-sided than it had previously been.

This was all too apparent in the frustrated, combative appearance he wore... the one that drove her absolutely crazy.

"Oh yeah, like I _wanted_ this," Drakken said, rolling his eyes. "I mean," he suddenly became condescending, "If you _obviously_ can't take even the slightest bit of criticism, it's my fault?"

Her features scrunched up as she looked down at him, still in his seat. She would've liked nothing more than to wipe that smug, slimy look off of his face-

"That's it, we're through," she said plainly after reasonably contemplating the conclusion for about half a second.

He sighed and his face dropped. "Oh, now come on, Shego."

"I can't take this anymore, you are, _by far_, the most _obscenely_ annoying person I have ever met!" She made sure to enunciate every word clearly as if it would drive the point home even further. Oh, how she wanted to bore those words into his puny little, barely functioning mind...!

His eyes narrowed in offense.

"Oh, and your ponytail...?" she paused, as if waiting for him to fill in the blank on his own, "...Stupid."

That was what caused him to stand, the chair scraping slightly as he got up. "Now that is quite enough." There was a strong tone of bitterness in his voice and he fought the urge to self-consciously touch his ponytail. "This is the fifth time we've broken up this week and the second time today alone!"

"So?" She crossed her arms.

"It's only Tuesday!"

"...What're you saying?"

He gave her a look of disbelief. She couldn't really think that this was "normal" behavior, could she? Drakken quickly recovered though and put on his best comforting smile as he walked over to her. She edged away from him slightly but in no real way that suggested she actually wanted to storm off. She resisted a little when he wrapped his arms around her and when she squished up against his chest but she made no big moves to escape his embrace.

"I'm sorry, okay?"

She couldn't help but mumble, "Yeah, okay." And that was that.

His lips tightened in a half-grin as he rested his chin on the top her head. He asked after a slight pause, "So we're done with this? All this breaking up for no reason?"

His mistake.

"Hey!" she exclaimed, that anger once again seeping into her. "What do you mean, no reason?! You don't think my reasons are good enough, is that it?!" _ Oh, that arrogant, bossy, unbearable-_

"Shego!" He was shocked and his mouth hung open. "You can't!"

"Oh yes, yes I can," She was a woman scorned and behaved in the only way natural. "You are _not_ the boss of me, I'll do whatever I please, and what I _please_ is dumping your sorry, blue, a-!"

"B-but, I _am _your boss!" He was grasping for straws now, trying miserably in anyway he could to keep history from repeating itself for the _sixth_ time this week...

"That's it, we're through!"

He groaned.

---


End file.
